Revisiting Give and Take by Adam Grant

Cover of Give and Take by Adam Grant

As I continue to reflect on forks in the road taken and future paths yet to come, I am revisiting another book that I recalled being helpful when I first read it: Give and Take by Adam Grant. 

I have done and continue to do a lot of mentoring for former employees and colleagues. Those conversations, coupled with what feels like a monthly ice water bath of bad jobs news, have led me to have a lot of talks with a lot of burned-out people. 

I returned to Give and Take because I had a vague recollection of a teacher from Philadelphia who had added more to her schedule and become less burned out. I couldn’t quite remember the whole story, and I definitely couldn’t fathom how adding more stuff to an already packed calendar was a solution to burnout, so I re-listened (trending theme on audiobooks in my posts…) to the book to get a refresh. 

Conrey Calahan taught at the Philly school Will Smith attended, leading him to write the lyrics for The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. The lyrics about the fighting, that is. Conrey, a Teach for America teacher, burned out after a year or two of breaking up fights, tracking down absent students, and feeling generally exhausted from too little support for too big a job. Instead of leaving, she started a non-profit and spent her nights and weekends building a community around helping low-income students prepare for college. She kept a full teaching schedule and volunteered on the weekends. It completely reinvigorated her.

Based on Conrey’s story, the research by Adam Grant, and my conversations with burned-out friends and colleagues, I think two significant elements of burnout are:

1. Values misalignment

2. Feelings of futility

Values misalignment can be big and obvious. In the last decade or so, many people have felt that the other half of society is misaligned. For a long time, half of the country has felt that they were not being represented by the national level leadership, and that can grind a person down. But values misalignment can also be small things: 

• Feeling like your boss just doesn’t hear you. 

• Having a coworker emotionally dump on you because they can’t figure out how to deal with the hot mess that is of their own making. 

• Feeling like you are constantly having to defend yourself and your decisions to your peers. 

• The sense that your environment is eating at you a little bit each day, and you just thought things would be different when you got to this stage of life. 

Futility can manifest in many ways, but mostly I’ve seen it as a feeling that, no matter how hard you work or how many hours you put in, the outcome just won’t matter: 

• Not seeing the outcomes of your daily work, particularly when you work incredibly hard each day. 

• Struggling to effectively advocate for your team as a supervisor or senior leader.

• Feeling that your day-to-day activities go unnoticed by your boss and senior leaders. 

One of these challenges is difficult enough for an individual to process at work, but the combination is a sure recipe for burnout. Conrey’s work on the non-profit she launched gave her motivation because she could see the results of her hard work, and the work itself aligned with her values. 

In July, I started volunteering with Arlington Neighborhood Village, and it has been such a refreshing experience. ANV offers support services to help elderly community members stay in their homes. I have met so many new people, and have developed friendships with incredible people who have incredible life stories. Assisting members by taking them to medical appointments, running errands, or just going for a walk and having a conversation are simple acts, but for the members, they mean a great deal. What started as a service I was providing to people in need turns out to be something that has given me tremendous benefits. My time matters, and serving a mission aligns with my values. 

If you are feeling burned out or your team members are showing signs of burnout, consider these factors and explore ways to support them. If you are in a leadership role, make sure the people who work for you know that their work matters. Don’t just say “your work matters,” be clear about how what they do day-to-day drives the bottom line or contributes to the mission. Be clear about the values of your organization and understand the values of your individual employees. Consider organizing a volunteer day for your company or team, giving your staff the opportunity to see something tangible from their hard work. 

Grab a copy (or take a listen) to Give and Take if you are thinking about burnout or just need a good read that will make you think about how you operate in the workplace.